The Grass is Always Greener

As I have gone through life, I have always had envy.  Who doesn't? I wanted a pony, I wanted fashionable clothing, I wanted store bought underpants.  

I spent a lot of time trying to climb over that fence to get to the wonderful, soft, dew-kissed green carpet of loveliness.  

I always wanted to fit in.  I would do anything anyone asked me to do.  I am way too nice.  You know the type of person.  They just don't know how to say, "No."

I watch my children now.  There is no question that they are mine.

They make gifts, they bake cookies, they chauffeur, they offer hospitality if someone is hungry, needs a place to stay....and what do they get? A plate of poo.

No phone calls (unless the group needs a ride) and no invitations (unless the group needs a ride).

All we ever wanted? One great friend.  A person to bare our soul to. A person to laugh with, cry with, tell our deepest secrets to, and never have to worry that another person will ever hear about it.  A person who will accept us for who we are. A person who loves and supports.  A person who helps bake the cake AND helps clean up the dishes.  

and then, one day.......

There they are.  My sisters.  The ones I can call upon in an emergency, and yes, they will show up, with friends.

And the greatest thing about my sisters of this field? They are a positive, and powerful influence for my kids.  They are true women.  Women who can stand on their own two feet and accomplish their goals in life, without worrying that they might break a nail or wrinkle their cheer uniform.

Yep.  This grass is really green!  

Maybe it's all that fertilizer!

Adventures in the Wild West

I am a chicken.  I hate change, I hate going to new places.  It makes me uncomfortable and nervous.  Last year, Iowa changed the law to allow concealed carry weapons.  All you had to do was attend a class and get a piece of paper and ..... Voile .... you can carry.

So my friend helped me get signed up for the class.  It is all the basic stuff that my grandfather and father yelled at me about.  Common sense stuff.  They were just polite about it.  No stress at all. And I got my piece of paper.

All I had to do was go to the courthouse to get the permit.  That was all I had to do.  I just had to get in the car and go......yup, that should be easy, right?  Less than ten miles......

That was a year ago.

So Tall Man came home.  I asked him real nice if he would hold my hand and drive me down to the courthouse.  He even got out his map and compass and helped me find my way through the maze of the courthouse basement to the correct window.  The lady behind the counter said, "I'm sorry.  Our computers are down today.  Would you mind if you had to come back tomorrow to pick up your permit?"

Tomorrow?  Holy buckets.  It was that easy?  I could have done that all by myself!

So now?

I have my permit. I am the rootinist, tootinist blue hair wannabe in them thar parts! 

Tall Man suggested I go shopping.  Maybe I should go to a Gun Show.  They have a lot of choices.  Do you think they sell the suction cup pistols? Cap guns? Maybe one that just has a flag that pops out and says, "BANG!"



*** authors note:  The Second Amendment states "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."  This right given to citizens is not a joking matter.  Many hours will be spent on a range learning how to be safe and proficient before a personal weapon would ever be purchased.

A Rant: My Mom Says We Come From Monkeys...

A rant of an artist….not a scientist. 

1.  Where are all the in-between species?  Wouldn’t the monkeys still be evolving?  As we walk down the path of the jungle, why are we not walking from Village Habilis, to Erectus Town and on to Sapiens City.
2. A tail.  This fact was pointed out to me yesterday.  We lost our tail because we no longer swing through the trees…..    So wouldn’t acrobats still have a tail? Or do they just tuck it in their costumes?  And is this why we are so uncoordinated now?  Is this why my Frog falls down for no apparent reason?  It doesn’t seem like we won on this one.
3. Jacobson’s organ. This organ is found in most animals and helps detect the pheromones of the opposite sex.  Hmmmm.  I don’t know about you, but I can smell when my man comes home with the kill, whether it be from the deer urine he sprayed on himself while hunting, or the pizza from my favorite takeout joint.
4.  Natural selection removed our thick hair.  The last time I went to the salon, Betsy did that for me…
5. Monkey toes.  Come on people!  If we evolved, wouldn’t we still have monkey toes?  Could you imagine how much we could multitask if we still had a thumb on our foot?  Would it be a thumb?  Or would they be called our Fumb, our Big Thumb, our Bigumb?
6. We open our bananas the wrong way.  Monkeys open a banana from the end, not from the stem.  Try it.  All those yucky strings that people spend another minute pulling off are not there if you open a banana the way a monkey does.  Obviously in evolution, we lost those SMARTS.

Yep….God made me! He made me perfect in His eyes! I am His child!

He knows how many hairs are on my head, and how many hairs Betsy removed for me.

A Bit of Spring...

I has been cold, blustery and just generally gloomy about. I go to work in the dark. I come home in the dark.

Deep sigh......

I need spring.

So today I made a bit of spring. I checked out the website of Terrarium Man to make sure I loaded my plants correctly. I do want my spring to last a while! Wow!  Was this easy for a blustery day!

I created one terrarium as a closed environment in a glass jar I found at a thrift shop. I may open it occasionally to try to capture a faerie.

The trick is to put a layer of charcoal between the rocks and some moss to help clean the air inside the jar.

The other terrarium is an open environment. My goal was to stick everything into one jar, but my make believe tree was too tall. So I pulled down a WECK canning jar off a shelf that I had brought home from Germany waaaay back when. It is perfect for my mini tree.

I feel better already.

I think I may need to make more of these.....

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Why do I have to always play bad cop?  Good cop gets to talk smoothly, make the guilty party feel comfortable with what they have done wrong.  Make them feel okay about what they have done.  And then they quietly say, "yes, i am so sorry I did that."  But there are times...... There is no politeness involved with certain matters.  There are rules, and there are laws.  And when you break the rules, it is easier just to admit it.  But when you pussy foot around it?  Bad cop shows up.

Bad cop's job is to tear them down, slam their fingers in a drawer, make them feel guilty.  Good cop just stands behind the two way glass and observes.  The perp is praying that good cop will walk back into the room any second.  The sweat begins on the brow....

Is every mother really a bad cop?  Do mothers inherit a specific gene that makes us bad cop?  Where does the venom come from that hurts the ones we love?  Where is good cop when you need him?

So right now, there is spite, there is silence.  No words, no texts back to answer a question.  Silence.  And Puppy? Well of course I get no words from her....dogs don't talk! (although, there is a story there too.)

No.  Puppy has her own speak.  She spitefully poo'd right in front of me, not once, not twice, but three times!  

Yep.  I am bad cop.  

A Rant

   One of the newest items I have been receiving are notices on Facebook called Causes.  I don’t know how these pages are created or who creates them, but I am a little annoyed by them.  I am aware that there are some real causes in the world, country, state and local areas, however, the causes that people seem to join seem to be a little ridiculous.

   Do people research what they are joining and sending money to?  Do you understand what the underlying goal is of an organization is and what they are going to do with your money? 

   The cause that has my panties in a bunch right now is a group that wants to save Military Service Dogs from being euthanized. 

   Okay people, listen.  Don’t you think there is a reason these dogs are being put down?  It is an animal  that has been trained for a specific mission with one goal in mind.  When it is triggered, the dog will complete the mission.  I would not want that dog in my house, around my children, or even around a person I don’t like very well.  They can become violent and aggressive suddenly.  Do you have the specialized training to control that animal? What is the command to turn it off?

   The other part of this argument though is that they are veterans.   How could we do this to our veterans?  They have served and sacrificed for our country!!  Let’s send money to save these dogs!  How about the human veterans?

   Oh, I forgot.  Those cute doggies are so much more lovable than those mean old soldiers who have been trained to just kill little children.  Let’s not even get started down THAT path. 

   Those mean old soldiers have a brain.  They can process between right and wrong.  They have families who want their sons, their husbands, and their fathers back the way they were before they left.  And you are sending your money to a dog?

   By the way.  There is an organization that helps you adopt retired military service dogs.  There are some great dogs out there, if you are qualified to get one.  And they are deserving of a great family so they can enjoy a real doggie life of fetching and loving.

   Okay, I am putting my soap box away for today and I am heading outside to shovel a path so I can hug a tree.

Solving World Problems With ART!

I am not a real teacher, but I play one on TV.  Well, not on TV, but in a classroom.  I am so blessed to be allowed to make art with children at a private school.  We make cool art.  And these kids have the most far out ideas.

We are drawing MONSTERS!  Not just any monster, our very own monster.  You know the one. The monster we get to take home with us and live in our house.  Yeah, yeah.  I know.  Monsters are rude and not very good houseguests.  We even read the book about it at the beginning of the assignment.  You should read it too….Jeremy Draws a Monster by Peter McCarty.

So I had a student today decide his monster is going to be a soldier.  I asked what kind of soldier.  “Well, the kind of soldier that fights in a war!”  I just had to ask, "What would his weapon be if he were a soldier?"  “Oh. Well he wouldn’t have a weapon like that!” 

I asked him,  “Well, will his weapon be words?”   

“NO!  He would have a real weapon.  A weapon like….

......spaghetti!”

So that was that.  The whole class jumped into the conversation.  We could sling slimy spaghetti noodles at each other when we are angry at each other.  If you get hungry?  Open your mouth and have a snack!  It would be perfect!!  It even solves world hunger!

The idea that was the icing on the cake?  The Army should design a tank that launches…….

Meatballs!

And I Thought I Might Miss Puppy...

Detroit City. The new home away from home for Tall Man.  I packed my pretty clothes for the weekend and set off for some parties and to meet up with some friends (Hi Friends! It was great to see you!)

We had a wonderful evening.  I always love these get aways because Tall Man is a phenomenal chef.   He has a great little apartment in a nice little neighborhood.  We set him up with some new furniture to make it an awesomely cool bachelor pad.  He got an awesomely cool new mattress that I crashed out on for almost 12 hours!

I think it is because there were no little doggies shaking their jingling tags and begging for breakfast time or a late night potty time!  

I was so relaxed, snoozing away, when.....what was that?  Whimpering?  And then the feet started running.  Little bitty dog paddles.  Panting.  A whimper. More frantic doggie paddles.  Then there was the high pitched, "Heeeeelp me."

What!?

Am I at home and Puppy is dreaming?  You can picture it, can't you?  Puppy stretched out on her side, with her paws flying through the meadow....woof, thwoof. Her huge lips flapping as she pushes air through them.

I had to sit up to figure out where I was and realized it was Tall Man.  He was running!  In bed!   "Heeeeelp me!"

"Are you dreaming?"

"Yesh."

"What are you dreaming about?"

"Monshters!"

A Puppy Tail...Tale

Once there was 

a Puppy 

that wanted 

to go 

FAST....

 "Let's go!
 
 Let's go!
  






 I wanna go FASTER.


I wanna feel the wind in my ears!"

Puppy curled up in a ball and had a dream.

A dream of SPEED!

She had a dream of a car.  

A car that was hers.  

A car that was FAST.

She could go FAST.

          She could get there first.....

She could WIN the RACE.